Vanaf nu 21 miljard Bitcoin op de markt
From our most trustworthy reporter, who is already in the crypto market for two days and won a Lambo in the lottery
Satoshi Nakamoto made some noise again, after more than a decade of silence. He announced there will be 21 billion Bitcoin since noon 4-3-2025. He made this move because Bitcoin was getting way too scarce.
“People are just eager to buy some of them, but they are simply too expensive! This was never meant to be. Bitcoin was supposed to be a coin of the people. Now it has become a coin for the elite. It is time to make Bitcoin great again!”
Big words from a big man! But that aint all. After years of being anonymous he felt the time has come to reveal some more about himself.
“Living in the shadows just aint my thing”, he said, “going for some office job has gotten boring. I like attention, but I’m eating dust in this oval office clerk job. I have moved on to other things. It is in good hands with Vance and everyone”, he declared, “they like that boring shit.”
He even declared his name, much to the surprise of our reporter:
“My name is no other than Donald Trump and from now on Bitcoin will become great again! A true coin of the people. I minted almost 21 billion brand new coins, which you can buy at a reduced price of just $1.000 from my son, who is in charge of the selling process on the social media platform Truth Social.”
Our reporter, who is very good at math and economics, expects Bitcoin to start decreasing in price. That’s why he sold his Lambo to go big on Bitcoin, so that when the price reaches 1 million bucks he is one of the wealthiest people on the planet.
Satoshi Trump explained how the Bitcoin blockchain works from now on:
“In the year 2140 the last Bitcoin will be mined. We also made an easiesty bomb: from now on each block will deliver 3.125 Bitcoin for miners. This will make it a lot easier for miners to pay their bills. If mining gets too popular we will simply remove the maximum of 21 billion Bitcoin. We are thinking of setting the difficulty to guessing a number under 100. This will all be decided by market conditions. When it gets out of hand, we will simply remove the halving and make it a doubling each time it is necessary.”
Vitalik Buterin was seen rubbing his hands. “Flippening!” he shouted with his hands in the air.
We asked Trump for a statement exclusive for our news site, but he yelled: “Who are you? Covfefe!”
When he walked away he added: “Fake news.”
Our reporter was kinda offended. Especially that covfefe didn’t feel right. But he was delighted with his first scoop. Let’s hope that wasn’t his last!
