China buys USDC
From our most stable reporter
USDC, the stablecoin issued by Coinbase and Circle, has been acquired by China. The Chinese government made this strong move to keep Chinese customers from the obligation to buy crypto with American money.
China paid 100 billion dollars in gold bars for this acquisition, so stock holders would be perfectly compensated, as China overbid with about 33% of the current marketcap of USDC.
Experts declare that this is the reason gold has dived more than 20% in the last weeks and all that stuff about interest is made up nonsense.
What does this mean for crypto?
Now that USDC is in Chinese hands, every USDC has to be paid for with yuan. When you want to use the US Dollar Coin you first have to deposit 7 yuan for every USDC you want. China has made it very easy to get a hold of yuan (or renminbi), you only have to visit the Bank of China (BOC) and exchange your fiat money into yuan.
You do have to go through KYC when buying USDC from the BOC and not everybody is as pleased with that. Questions like “Do you like communism?” and “Are you a liberal?” are just a part of the KYC procedure that many investors hesitate to respond to. Questions like “May we install a camera in your bedroom?” and “Do you think China is to blame for COVID-19?” somewhat alarms most investors though.
Experts think that USDC will gain a lot more traction now, but not from the usual suspects. They think that Chinese, Russian, Indian, Vietnamese and Indonesian customers will use it a lot more. As an official from the Chinese government stated: “We got the numbers, but also the guns.”
Even though this sounded something like a threat the American government is very pleased with this deal. America gained 33 billion dollars in gold with this deal, so this will strengthen the American economy, Trump stated.
Our reporter wants elaboration
Our reporter, who is well known in the stable business, asked for an interview with Jeremy Allaire, Brian Armstrong, Xi, Donald and the Eastern Bunny. The last one declined as he is busy hiding eggs, but the rest of them agreed to have a talk.
“Dear Xi,” our reporter shyly asked, “I thought China banned crypto, why did you buy USDC then?”
“You are mistaken,” Xi stated, “we did not ban crypto, we banned the buying of crypto!”
“Isn’t that the same?”
“Not at all! If we could ban crypto, no one in the world could buy it. Unfortunately we do not have that power. We bought USDC because we wanted to expand the holding of our yuan into the hands of more people. The Chinese people have more than enough of them, but now foreigners will have to buy them. This is the first step of becoming the reigning currency after the dollar fails.”
“The dollar failing? That is a big threat to the global financial system, isn’t it?” our reporter asked Donald Trump.
“The dollar will never fail as long as I am in the Oval Office!” Trump sneered. “I will simply order the world to buy more bonds from our government, or we shall bring freedom and democracy to every country refusing to buy them.”
Our stable reporter, who knows when to shut something down, turned to Jeremy.
“How do you feel about this deal?”
“We made a lot of money with this deal, so our stockholders are very pleased.”
“But aren’t you afraid China will become a global financial superpower?”
“We are entrepreneurs, not politicians. Empires come, empires go, but money never sleeps.”
“So, Brian,” our reporter asked, “what do you make of all this? Is this the end of your collaboration with Circle, who issued the USDC?”
“Of course not,” Brian declared, “tomorrow we shall simply put a new coin on the market called the USDCCC, the US Dollar Circle Coinbase Coin, we already know how to do it. Before you know it, we shall have the same numbers flying, but with 100 billion in gold in the pocket.”
“So you are saying that China will have a worthless coin in some time?”
“Maybe it works out for them, maybe it won’t. That is not our responsibility.”
“Right. Thank you all for coming,” our reporter said in gratitude.
Right now he is filling in the list of questions, sent to him by the Chinese government, as he wants to become one of the first to get a hold of this brand new USDC. Right now he is contemplating if he should give the name and place of birth of his pet, so we shall let him contemplate in silence.
