Trump launches the Insider Coin
From our scam reporter, who is working overtime these days
Trump has decided to monetize his actions on the global theatre. He launched the Insider Coin (IC), with which you get inside information about every war he starts or ends and every new tariff he imposes or stops a few days before he does so.
How the Insider Coin works
Every coin costs 1 million dollar, but the value, of course, is much higher. Price is what you pay, value is what you get, as Buffett often said.
Whenever there is inside information the blockchain gives you an automatic warning, after which you can subscribe to this information by paying 1 IC through a smart contract. Once the info is sent your way, the smart contract is executed and both parties should be very glad.
You can also secure your place at the Situation Room of the United States, where you can watch America bomb the living shit out of the next country or generate the next regime change. This will only cost you 10 Insider Coins, but you will then be part of history on the spot. You can watch your investments grow with every shattered bone and empire.
Why should people buy the Insider Coin?
The most important part of this coin is the knowledge of future events. When you know when stocks will drop or crypto will crumble, when gold soars or the US dollar fades, you can then take decisive action and go short with massive leverage and get rich with just a puny investment. Or go long at the right moment.
The only disadvantage of this coin is the million dollar you have to send to Trump, but we’re not here to feed the poor, as Trump stated with an eerie grin.
An interview with Trump
Our scam reporter, who thinks this may be a fishy coin, had a short audience with king Trump.
“Dear Trump, I have a feeling that this is some form of insider trading, isn’t that illegal?”
“Fake news! What company are you from? What?? The Crypto Loge? Never heard of! The Insider Coin is exclusive business. You are just mad you can’t afford it with your empty pockets and your cheap clothes!”
“IC. But my clothings and bank account are not on trial!”
“I didn’t know we were in court! Maybe you need glasses too!”
“Do you think that the Democrats will forbid this sort of cryptocurrency in the near future?”
“Muhahahaha, in the future there will be no Democrats, not even Republicans. I will rule this place until I die!”
“So, your planning to become a dictator?” our reporter asked shyly.
“Here, meet ICE! Send that reporter back to the abyss he came from!”
Of course the Crypto Loge doesn’t want to have a reporter who can’t work, so we sent a laptop to his Guantanamo Bay cell, where he awaits deportation.
